8th August 2019

Creative writing

It is winter, early morning by the river on the farm. The round hills, stiffly frozen by the overpowering frost covering them with sharp ice crystals, the steam rising off the icy cold river joining the clouds, blocking the sun from freeing the paralyzed hills.

Look. The bitter, grey clouds above change as the golden sun breaks through them revealing the crystal blue sky. The sun bringing life to everything in its view, melting the frost, freeing the grass from its frozen captivity. See, now, the animals begin to appear, searching for any rays of sun to comfort them. Steam rose up from the horse’s nostrils as we cantered up and down the hills for hours. An old abandoned barn barely standing. Alone. Fighting to keep itself from falling, knowing that if it does it will never stand again. The tree’s stand blodly next to the barn, guarding it like an alpha lion protecting its herd from predators. Two paradise ducks saw us coming as we came to the top of the hill. They flew off the glass-like pond creating hundreds of ripples, fleeing to warn everything from the coming danger.

It is late morning. Calm fresh breeze roles over the perfect round hills, weaving slowly through the trees, refreshing everything in its path from the now hot, burning sun. The Sheep, cows and deer grazing on the luscious and nutritional grass all morning long-living the dream life. The stream, providing pristine clear water for all the wildlife. Lambs bouncing up and down, wagging their tails like a dog waiting to play fetch, running wildly and freely round in circles for hours. Never getting tired. The ground is covered in hundreds of dug up holes from scavenging pigs searching greedily for any bugs or worms to satisfy their neverending hunger. 

Listen, to the horse’s feet clapping against the dirt track as we make our way up the steep hills. Hear, the thousands of sheep baaing, keeping a close eye on their lambs making sure that they are free from danger. An echo is heard from across the paddocks, a lost lamb, screaming as it searches frantically for its mother. Listen to the thousands of birds singing gracefully as their notes join together to create a joyful harmony. Hear, the thousands of leaves rustling as the gentle breeze weaves through the old tender branches. Crack! An old frail tree falls to the ground in defeat, weakened from the hundreds of storms it has lived through, breaking the calm silence. Listen, in the far distance, the sound of dogs barking as they muster in the thousands of sheep in preparation for sheering and drenching.

And soon you will be sitting on one of the thousands of green grassy hills, eating delicious homemade baking, surrounded by close friends. Overlooking not just one farm but many. Watching the sun fall down behind the hills, the sounds of laughter and chatting will be heard from miles away as you babble on about what the future has to hold for us.

Join the conversation! 2 Comments

  1. Hi Jaydon,

    Enhance your descriptions by using the figurative language techniques. These will allow you to create a powerful atmosphere that your reader will then be able to experience.
    Avoid using common turns of phrase, focus on creating your own unique ways to describe something that does not rely on common descriptions or clichés so you can enhance your writing with your original voice. This will also make it easier for you to carry your ideas throughout your writing.
    Look back at the Tarras example and how they use the mist as a reoccurring element to enhance the ideas in the text. This is something for you to focus on as you continue to work on this piece.
    Watch your spelling and grammar as you write. There are moments that your slipping up on these. It is important that you give this the attention it requires as you write.

    Keep at it.

    Mr Johnson

    Reply
  2. Hi Jaydon,

    Feedback:
    – use capitalisation correctly
    – read your sentences aloud to hear the ones that are clumsy and don’t make sense – this is something I need you to focus on heavily in final editing
    – avoid run-on sentences (use full stops as I said)
    – keep working on describing the scene so that I get a real sense of what it is like

    Go well,

    GB

    Reply

Leave a Reply to Gena Bagley Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

About Jaydon

I am a year 11 at Mount Aspiring College

Latest Posts By Jaydon

Category

Writing